


Pity for a Poor Soul

by strawberry_cider



Series: TMA Fairy Tales [2]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Attempt at Humor, Fluff, Kissing, Light-Hearted, M/M, One Shot, Self-Indulgent, Shapeshifting, Silly, as everything I ever write babey, kinda ooc but i don’t care, spelling mistakes to be corrected later i'm going to bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:49:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27005353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberry_cider/pseuds/strawberry_cider
Summary: Gerard meets a strange animal while walking through the forest.
Relationships: Gerard Keay/Michael Shelley, Gerard Keay/Michael | The Distortion
Series: TMA Fairy Tales [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1971010
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	Pity for a Poor Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Long time no fics! I needed serotonin and the more I thought of this au, the more I wanted to write it. It's inspired by a Hungarian fairy tale I heard when I was little, a long time ago, I have no idea what the title is. But enjoy anyway!

Gerard watched the leaves move in the wind and listened to their murmur as they were thrown about. Some of them could not hold onto their branches anymore and they were swept away into the cloudy sky. It was getting dark and cold. Gerard didn't want to go back home yet. He felt better in the forest, where it was quiet and peaceful. The last thing he wanted was to deal with his mother until she fell asleep for the night. He couldn't wait to leave. He made up his mind to leave in a week. Everything was ready and his mother had no idea what was coming, which was the most satisfying part.

He stood as much as he could under the tree he had chosen, an oak that cast a shade over everything around it, pulling the flimsy coat he had as tight as he could around himself. Soon enough he was shivering too much to deny it and he reluctantly got up.

He was about to turn towards the direction of his village, when he thought he heard something. It sounded like the crunching of leaves. Gerard ignored it and went to continue on his way, when he heard it again. He turned around this time, and, to his surprise, there was a hare coming out of the bushes and hopping under the oak's shade. It was a field hare, with weirdly long ears, limbs and neck, and big ol' staring eyes. Its fur was the colour of dirty straw, lighter on its nose and paws, as though it was wearing gloves and socks.

What surprised Gerard more was that the hare had a crown atop of its head, the ears sticking through it and keeping it in place. It seemed to be genuine gold, which Gerard rarely had the occasion to see outside of his mother's rare volumes' decorations. Gerard felt suspicious of the hare now, wondering if it was a fae or a familiar of some sort. He cautiously took a back, without taking its eyes off the creature.

“Oh, please do not be scared!” The hare said, raising it's little paw.

“It's a little late for that.” Gerard said.

“I mean no harm!” The hare continued. “I just need your help for a moment. Would you help a poor soul?”

Gerard did not trust the hare one bit. “That depends on what kind of help you need.” He said.

“You see, I found myself in quite some trouble and I am now stuck in this awful form!”

“So you're cursed?”

“I am not actually sure. It has been such a long time, sometimes I forget what it was like to be a human like you. Sometimes I forget my own name.”

“Perhaps you pissed off a witch.”

“Perhaps... But if you would be so kind as to help me, everything will be fine again.”

“Perhaps, but you have yet to tell me what I must do to help you.”

“Yes, yes, of course!” The hare said, taking another step forward. “I need a kiss. Nothing more! Just one kiss.”

“That's all?” Gerard asked.

“Yes, that is all. I promise. Would you please do it?”

Gerard hummed. “I don't know.”

“Why?”

“You're suspicious as hell.”

“I'm _not_!”

“You're a talking rabbit.”

“I just told you I'm not really a rabbit!”

“For all I know you'll kidnap me or turn me into a rabbit in your place.”

“I won't do that! I have no idea how to!”

That made Gerard laugh. “Alright, I'll help you.” He said.

The hare gasped in joy and hopped around as Gerard stepped towards it. He kneeled down and the hare stretched up to meet him, presenting its forehead. The fur felt soft and cold where Gerard kissed.

When he opened his eyes, the hare was gone. Gerard blinked a few times and looked around. The hare completely disappeared. Even the grass where it stood was no longer bent. It was getting dark quickly, so Gerard, with no clues or indication as to what to do next, he made his way home, ate dinner, and went to bed. He wondered as he fell asleep if the kiss helped the hare, or if he was now cursed himself.

The next day, Gerard went again to the oak. He usually went for a walk through the woods near his home, to relax after a long day and to cool down after his mother pissed him off. It was healing to look at all the green and the plants. Arriving at the oak, he could not see anything out of place - everything seemed normal. He waited for a while, scrolling through his mind for what he knew about curses, when the sun began to go down again.

Gerard sighed and got up to leave, when he heard something behind him again. He turned around, but rather than a hare, he saw a hedgehog. It was white with a rosy nose, and it scurried up in front of him. The crown was on its back, held up by the spikes.

“Are you the hare from yesterday?” Gerard asked.

“Yes!” The hedgehog said. “That's me!”

“Well, the kiss worked.” Gerard said, smiling. “You're not a hare anymore!”

“Oh, but I was supposed to be a human! This is not fair!” It cried.

“What did the person who did this to you tell you?” Gerard asked, kneeling to hear the critter better. “That you need to be kissed to be human again?”

“Yes, pretty much. I had asked other people to kiss me before you, but the same thing happened! I had been a mouse, a badger, a dove, all sorts of things! I don't know what else to do...”

“Want me to try kissing you again?” Gerard offered.

“Would you please do it?” The hedgehog asked, pointing its little nose up.

Gerard smiled and put out his hands for the hedgehog to climb onto. He brought it up to his lips to kiss its forehead, but at the same time the hedgehog leaned forward and Gerard pricked his lips in its needles. Gerard almost dropped the pest. He heard a tiny and worried “Sorry!” before the weight in his palm vanished. The hedgehog was gone too. Not knowing what to do, Gerard went home, holding his mouth.

He had a feeling the kiss did not work that time around either. In a way Gerard was glad his mother gave him the shotgun and told him to go fetch a pheasant or a wild goose. He paired up with some other people who were out hunting and in the forest he went. As they were walking, it crossed Gerard's mind that the “poor soul” may have become a fowl. Didn't it say it was a dove once? Gerard didn't want to kill it by accident. He started to like it.

Four colourful pheasants were shot, but the hounds one of Gerard's companions owned brought back only three. The hunting party saw a flash of bright orange fur run into the woods with the fourth one and everyone chased after the thief. Today they are getting food _and_ fur. The party split up and spread out, as to not give out their location with their noise. Gerard had nearly forgotten about the hare and the hedgehog until he saw a flash of gold dive into a den underneath a birch tree. He looked around to make sure he was alone and ran up to the hole in the ground.

“Hey! It's me! You can come out.” Gerard said.

An ugly snarl came out of the den and before Gerard could say anything else, the fox, crown dangling on one of its ears, jumped out. It bit onto shotgun's barrel, which Gerard had the reflex to bring in front of himself.

“It's me, you idiot!” Gerard shouted, worrying afterwards he had been too loud and now the others would come.

The fox, with its doll-like eyes, stared and snarled at Gerard, until it's eyes suddenly opened wide and it quickly let go of the gun. “I'm so sorry!” It said, backing away. It reached up its paws, as if to fix the crown. “I... I don't know what came over me. It never happened before. I never cared to hunt before.”

“We don't have time for all that.” Gerard said, looking over his shoulder. “If they find you, you're dead.”

“ _I don't want to die_!!” The fox squeaked. “Kiss me! Maybe it will work now! Hurry!”

Gerard grabbed the fox by the scruff of its neck and kissed it quickly on its head, between its eyes. As soon as he moved it away, it was gone. His hand was holding onto nothing. It vanished right before its eyes, in the second he blinked. Gerry was shocked, then annoyed and disappointed that it once again did not work. He could hear the others' footsteps and the dogs coming to him. Out of curiosity, he reached into the den and found the stolen pheasant.

Gerard stood all day by the oak tree. He was curious what the poor soul would be that day. He wondered if the animals repeated. They had to, there were only so many animals, in their forest at least. He also wondered what exactly the curse's cure referred to more precisely. It clearly did not understand it correctly, or misunderstood it. “A kiss” was far too easy. Curses usually have a catch to them, a secret small print, or a metaphor of some sort. The poor soul had a crown, so perhaps it used to be a monarch who pushed their luck. It was entertaining to make up its story.

Lost in thought, he almost did not hear that something was walking through the nearby trees until a fallen branch was snapped under its weight. Gerard looked over to see a pair of antlers. A moment later a large stag emerged, calmly making its way through the bushes and the ferns. Its antlers twisted up high above its head, brushing against the branches of the trees. Between the branches and the ears sat the crown Gerard looked out for.

“Hello again!” Gerard said and walked to it.

The stag stopped abruptly and glared at Gerard. When Gerard got too close for its liking, it slowly moved to face him, head leaning down. Gerard stopped walking and backed away, realising it was not a good idea stand in the way of those antlers, especially if it was acting wild again, like yesterday. The stag stared at him for another moment, then kept walking. It paused to take a bite of grass, making its crown fall off, then continued going away. Gerard watched it with furrowed brows. What was he supposed to do now?

When the stag was far enough to not risk getting kicked by its hind legs, Gerard picked the crown off the ground and made a wide detour, until he was in front of the stag again. It did not like seeing him again and stomped its hoof.

“How am I supposed to help you if you don't even recognise me?” Gerard said, more to himself that to the beast, holding the crown in front of himself as if that was any good for a shield.

The stag eyed him up and down, froze upon seeing the golden crown, then gasped.

“Oh, I'm so sorry! It happened again!” It said, straightening up. “I didn't bite you again, did I?”

“No... Actually, I don't know if deer could bite.” Gerard said, walking up to it and putting the crown back on its head.

“Thank you...” The stag said, thoughtful. “You've been trying to help me and I don't even know your name.”

“It's Gerard.” He said. “I don't know your name either, but I don't mind.”

“Oh, I wish I could tell you!” It said, trotting around and scraping at the dirt with its hoof. “This morning, when I woke up as a deer, it was on the tip of my tongue!”

“What kind of name is it?”

“A human name! Nothing much! Nothing unordinary!”

“Well, I don't know, there are a lot of those-”

“Michael!” The stag cried, jumping up in excitement. “My name is Michael!” It hopped around, so happy, as it did as a hare.

Gerard smiled endeared and walked up to it, calming it down by putting his hands on its muzzle. He leaned down and kissed its nose. From before he opened his eyes, he felt the stag's head was gone, as well as the rest of it. He felt very sad when he did open his eyes and he was indeed alone in the forest.

Gerard walked through the forest calling out the name “Michael”. Considering Michael could be something today that could easily hurt him, if not kill him, it was best to announce his presence in advance. Maybe he was going to be a wolf, or a bear, in which case Gerard was screwed.

“Michael!” He called out. He was far enough from the village to not be heard, which he was grateful for. But, once again, if Michael is a carnivore and doesn't snap out of it in time, Gerard is very much screwed.

“Michael!!” He shouted. He heard a bit of echo with that one and a bird was startled out of its nest, but otherwise no sign of Michael. Gerard sighed and sat down in the shade of a tree. Perhaps he should go look in another part of the forest, but the question was which one. He could be damn anywhere.

As he sat and thought, he felt something move next to his leg. He looked down and saw a yellow snake, that was not only moving next to his leg, it was crawling up him and had already gotten half-way in his lap. Gerry screeched and jumped to his feet so fast he got dizzy and fell back down again. The snake went flying and fell on the grass too. The crown he was coiled around and had been dragging along fell off and landed between them.

Gerard blinked. “Michael?!”

“Sorry for frightening you!” The snake said. “I didn't mean it! I heard you calling for me and I tried to catch up, but you're bigger and faster.”

Gerard stared at Michael for a second before bursting into laughter.

“Are you alright? You fell bad.” Michael asked, crawling up to him.

“Yes, I am fine.” Gerard said. “Do you want another kiss?”

“Yes!” Michael said, excited.

Michael wrapped around the crown and Gerard picked both of them. The snake's head fit just right on his lips. Sure enough, Michael was gone and Gerard was saddened again.

Gerard wandered further into the forest and used the same strategy of calling Michael's name. He stopped and waited from time to time, but no animal seemed to be trying to catch up to him. He could feel he was walking up the hill, the trees growing closer together, making it harder the navigate through. He came across a small clearing and he could see the ground going higher and higher. A few sparrows were picking through the grass in the centre of it for food. Gerard couldn't see a crown. It would have probably had trouble to carry it as a bird.

Gerard thought he could see something shiny on the other side of the clearing, directly in front of him. He squinted, but couldn't see well because of the bright sun. When he realised what it was, he felt his face turn ashen. It was Michael's crown on top of a mountain lion's head. It was stalking him, putting one huge paw in front of the other.

Both of them stared at the other from afar. Gerard forced his legs to slowly move backwards until he was behind a tree, after which he ran away as fast as he could. He could hear the cougar catching up to him, crushing the leaves and the sticks under it. Gerard's eyes darted around, trying to find a place to hide.

“Michael!” He shouted without looking back. “It's me! Stop it!”

Gerard felt its paws on his back, slamming him to the ground. He could hear it growl right in his ear.

“Michael! Michael!” He screamed. “It's _me_! Gerard!”

Gerard braced himself to feeling his throat ripped one, quickly making peace with his death. It did not come. He looked up and saw the cougar looking at him wide-eyed.

“Gerard?” It asked, as if unsure.

“Yes...” He replied.

“Gerard!” It gasped after staring at him for a long second, looking very lost. “Gerard!”

“Yes, that's me.” He said, trying to get up. Michael plopped its head in his arms, apologising profusely. “Hey, hey, it's fine.”

“I'm _so_ sorry!” It said, eyes welling up with tears. Can cougars cry?

Gerard kissed the top of its head to comfort it, as if _it_ was the one in need of comfort and not him who was now covered in dirt and had claw-marks on his back. Michael vanished and so did the weight over him, letting him breathe comfortably again.

That was when Gerard looked up and saw Michael's crown fallen on the ground a few feet away. Oh no no no no no, this was so bad. How was he supposed to find him again? He could be any animal in the entire forest. And Gerard was going to leave tomorrow. What was Michael going to do if he still woke up as an animal? Without his crown, people won't know he is cursed. Gerard wanted to kick himself. Why did he kiss Michael so fast? Was he not thinking?

Gerard delayed his leave by one more day. His mother said she was going to go visit a friend early in the morning, so he could still run away then with ease. He wanted to leave more than anything, but he should at least give Michael the crown back so he can ask someone else for help. It also felt wrong to just leave without explanation or saying “goodbye”. Gerard thought of taking Michael with him. It would work if he were a small animal again.

As he walked though the woods, calling out Michael's name, Gerard could not stop feeling uncomfortable, as though something bad was going to happen. He kept looking around himself to make sure nothing else was stalking him, but he couldn't see anything between the trees. The shotgun he took did not make him feel safe. He eventually made his way back to the oak and decided to sit down in its shade and just... wait, he supposed. Wait until it got dark, when it was a bad idea to be alone in the forest.

He heard leaves and sticks being crushed as something made its way in the trees near him.

“Michael?” He called out, cautiously getting up to his feet. He saw a pair of antlers, but they looked much stranger than the stag's from before.

Michael revealed itself, and it wasn't a stag again, nor anything else from before, but a horrifying hybrid of everything, with bulging hare eyes, a fox's snout and fur, deer antlers, spikes all over its back, cougar front paws and stag hind legs, and the tail of a snake. The teeth it snarled at Gerard were thrown together from each, both sharp and blunt and needle-like. Gerard wanted to run but he was frozen in place, the knuckles going white as he held the crown. The manticore stared at him, as if waiting to see if he would run and it would be able to chase it before having dinner. Oh, Gerard wanted nothing more than to run for his life. But he couldn't just leave Michael like this. Nobody else was going to help him like this. Gerard had to kiss it, in the hope Michael would change again into something less frightening. _If he tried to kiss it he would get his head bitten off._

The manticore grew tired of waiting and jumped at Gerard. He snapped out of it and raised the gun in front of him. The manticore simply bit the barrel, snapping it in half like stick. Gerard was backed up against the oak. He put the crown out into the monster's mouth, trying to delay the moment he was going to be mauled. The gold was bent and punctured by its fangs. Gerard, now or never, leaned forward and planted a kiss on its nose. Michael was gone, and so was the crown lodged in its teeth.

Gerard slid down against the tree, his heart still pounding in his chest. As he made his way back home through the dark and crawled in bed after giving a half-assed excuse as to what happened to the gun, he wondered what creature poor Michael would turn into next. He had his crown again, but would it sit on the next beast's head enough for someone to see it and help him? Gerard began to feel guilty about running away and leaving Michael behind.

His mother woke up early and made her way out while the sun was still on its way up the sky. Gerard watched her from the window and when he couldn't see her anymore, he gathered his own already made luggage and left the house. He took one last look at his childhood home and then followed the path that led out the forest. It was parallel to the forest and Gerard walked several feet along-side it, before taking a sharp turn and making his way to the oak tree. It was such a silly hope. A stupid one even, Michael could try to kill him again and succeed this time.

The sky was getting lighter and lighter as he reached the tree, whose shade was getting darker and more inviting. The forest was quiet and peaceful, as it usually was.

Gerard made to turn his back on it and leave, when he heard the crunching of leaves behind him. He turned around and saw not an animal or a beast, but a man. His curly hair had leaves and sticks in it, and his shirt and pants were dirty, as if he had been sleeping on the ground, but the golden crown in his hands was mangled, and the smile on his face as he saw Gerard was wide and toothy. Gerard half-expected him to start hopping around in joy and he couldn't help smiling back.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for reading! <3


End file.
